The local ministry in Washington the Lord gave me during the most challenging years of my health was a real eye-opener to me. It began with a period of about fourteen months, beginning in June 2004 when I witnessed the same women coming into my home on a weekly basis, bringing their bibles and notebooks, taking notes, listening, sharing, praying and genuinely wanting true spiritual growth. These were God-fearing, long-time church-goers who were faithful to attend and still failed to understand what God was after in them. They either did not understand that their relationships are where God wants to work in their lives or they couldn’t see the barriers of their own flesh that prevented them from experiencing complete reconciliation with God toward experiencing His love, setting them free to simply love others. They not only were not the least bit interested in my personal life, but neither did they seem to understand what a two-way relationship looks like.
I knew the Lord was directing me to do something entirely different to help these precious moms break through their own unseen barriers to true spiritual growth. I?knew I was going to have to become more pointed, frank, and just plain honest about how they were relating with me to expose how they were relating with themselves, with God and with their families. I had known for a long time that the way people relate with each other is a direct reflection on how they are relating with God.
The Lord led me to invite a few couples who lived the nearest to me to take part in a smaller group. I had every intention of continuing the larger women’s group, but at the end of June of 2006, my health took another nose-dive, and once again when I had to cancel the regular women’s meetings, I?experienced a complete disinterest in what happened to me. I?never heard from the women again, except a phone call from one some time later to check on me. I’ve always wondered how they are faring spiritually.
As for me, I embarked on an entirely different path of ministry unlike anything I had ever been on, one that would produce the fruit for the Lord I had always hoped for. The Lord’s personal instruction was very simple, and came on a need-to-know basis, but to sum up, I was to approach their instruction the same as I had approached training and instructing my own children. I was to become like a spiritual parent—as real as they needed at any given time and in any given situation…
(continued in part 3)
Part 2—Barbie Poling’s Experiences with Marilyn during This Season
I was one of these ladies. I was coming and hearing Marilyn speak and taking notes. I didn’t think there was anything very wrong with my relationships at the time. I was most intrigued by the things Marilyn was saying about being led by the Spirit. I had heard of this before and I thought I knew what it meant, but I had the feeling that Marilyn meant something different than what I had known. Then she began to talk about faith, and I became very sure that she meant something totally different than I had known before. I had the feeling that I wasn’t really getting what she was talking about. It all seemed like it made sense, but then again, I wasn’t sure I understood.
Marilyn had said a few times while she spoke that she and her family were private people. I took that to mean that I wasn’t to be asking her personal questions. I didn’t really know how to relate with someone who said they were a private person. Later I came to understand that she was letting us know that she shared her life freely and willingly for our benefit. I felt that as long as she was having meetings, I would come. She said a lot of things that I agreed with.
Once I invited her over to meet my family. I felt very awkward thinking that I shouldn’t ask her about her life, but not really wanting to just sit and talk about my life, so I let my kids show her their projects and notebooks, and she seemed happy to do that. I had wanted to tell her that I wanted her to be free to point out anything that needed correction in my life, because I had been reading some books about the importance of believers telling each other the truth, but it just seemed too awkward for saying so.
A few months later when Marilyn entered my life and home in order to help me with caring for my mom, she definitely did become more pointed, frank and just plain honest. She began to let me know of the struggles of her health and the struggles of losing their business. I was glad to know these things, but I didn’t really know how to respond to her. I thought I should offer to pray for her, but I felt like my prayers would be quite inferior so I didn’t.
She began to ask me more about my life and what led up to my circumstances, particularly about my relationship with my mom. I had mixed feelings about her interest in me. On the one hand, I felt like it had been a long time since someone cared about listening to me so I really liked it, but on the other hand, I had experienced deep hurt in the past from people I considered to be spiritual leaders, and I was afraid I might be heading for another wounding.
At one point, after having received from Marilyn’s ministry to my mom, she noticed my reserve and said that she was being led by the Lord to be a spiritual mother to me, and I was instantly flooded with fear. I told her a bit about my previous bad experiences, and she told me that I was putting on her (self-projecting) the bad treatment from others and not giving her the benefit of the doubt that she might not be like them. She said that was unkind of me to treat her that way. By this time it was very clear to me that her intentions toward me so far were good and loving, and miraculous things were happening with my mom. I saw no emotional offense in her as she spoke, and so it really jogged my brain. She was merely being factual about my behavior. She pointed to the fruit of her involvement in my life, asking me to say whether it was good or not. It was very good. I realized she was right, and so I let my guard down……a little.
I remember when the miracles started happening with my mom that I wrote to my sisters to tell them that God was doing wonderful things. Marilyn frankly pointed out that I completely left mention of her ministry to my mom out of my communications with my sisters. She said that it was twisting the truth to convey that these miracles were just “happening.” At first I began to think that Marilyn just wanted to take credit for something that God was doing, but as she talked about how she had come to my house out of obedience to the Holy Spirit, and how these things were happening because she was cooperating with the Holy Spirit, I began to be undone with gratitude, realizing that if God sent her to me and she had obeyed, it meant that God was thinking about me and my situation, and I was melted. The tears flowed and flowed….for days….for weeks. I began to feel like I had never actually been loved by any person like this before. I had NEVER experienced God’s love for me like this before. I wrote to my sisters again communicating Marilyn’s ministry to my mom and me, but giving glory to God. I learned that God uses real people for doing His work and that we are supposed to be cooperating with Him in obedience for all the good works we want Him to do in our relationships, no matter how hard His direction might be.
Marilyn I appreciate what you wrote here and it gives me much to think about and pray about. Barbie, your comments resonated deeply with me and brought me to my knees and full of emotion. It was as if the Lord revealed a great truth to me in how I relate with people, including my own family. My flesh is already struggling against this new truth that has been revealed. I know God is faithful and will walk me through to a new level of relating with others, as long as I let him. I am so thankful to you both and your ministry. I am looking forward to what God will reveal through you all.
Marilyn,
It is with sadness and deep regret to say that I am one of those wayward moms that came to recieve from you in 2005-2006 at your home, but didn’t ever ask about how you were doing, once I heard you were in a season of ministering less. I ask your forgiveness for not reaching out to you then. I heard you speak twice, and after looking through some of your materials, felt I was well, and didn’t need anymore discipleship. I was wrong, I am now in a “getting the scales off” season like Eustus in Narnia’s Flight of the Dawn Treader. I pray the Lord continues to heal your body, mind, soul, and continues to give you strength beyond what you can ask or imagine. I pray you can forgive me for not reaching out to your further in those years gone by, blessings to you in every way.