I’ve tried to write an account of what transpired with me since 2004 when my ministry’s business shut down, removing me from public ministry. I actually wrote a two-page reflection giving background understanding about the health issues which began in 2001, and the progressive failure of health until 2007 when I was able to begin rebuilding my health, and living day-to-day with severe health challenges and the failure of my ministry’s business due to my inability to work. I wrote it down thinking people needed to know, and then wondered why. I thought it demanded attention and now that I could make the effort for the first time, I wanted it recorded. I will still record it for my own family’s sake, but I found that what I really wanted was understanding, and sadly realized that either the friends of Lifestyle of Learning didn’t care or like the grace of the Lord in me would say it: they simply didn’t know any better. Please continue reading and allow me to explain what I mean.
During the worst season of dealing with failed health, when I was able to reflect and recall, I would be concerned for how I was never able to communicate to the readers of the Lifestyle of Learning journal what had transpired. After all, they were looking for my regular work and it was never my intention to just let things drop. My life was out of my control—completely, and so it would be all right. I had always rested in the Lord’s grace, and knew He would restore all things in my life so I never worried about it, but was still saddened by the way events unfolded.
I couldn’t help but wonder why I never received a card asking how I was or even where I was and what had happened to me? Sacrificial sowing into people’s lives was a hallmark of my personal and public ministry. I always knew that ministry was basically a one-sided proposition as far as real relationships were concerned. I didn’t believe I ever had wrong expectations on others, only what God had for me, but still, I couldn’t help but wonder, especially about those I had regular communication with on various levels…I continued to receive instruction from the Lord about the future ministry’s direction.
Part 1—Barbie Poling’s Perspective of Marilyn’s Story during This Season
I remember regularly hearing of yet another aspect of Marilyn’s business shutting down, and I knew there was nothing she could do about it. The seemingly simple solutions were not possible because the loss was so fast and all encompassing. There was no avenue to stop or overcome the loss of their business and income. I remember learning that Marilyn only turned on the heat in her house when the ladies were coming over for weekly meetings, and the rest of the week, the Howshalls just could not afford the heat. I began to have inklings into the depth of her sacrifice to bring us the Truth. I wish I had known earlier.