I had already been experiencing some pretty amazing miracles with a couple of the women just by going into their lives and being concerned for what concerned them, and becoming more real than I had ever dared be with people outside my family. These continuing experiences, and their testimonies and encouragement to me, helped me to realize just how far some people needed a loving, caring person to go with them in truth-telling to become free of relational baggage so they could build their spiritual lives in truth and the Spirit. I?began to think that ministering with the husband and wife together would bring about the most change for the family’s sake. A few women wanted included in the new couples group, but because this was an experiment for a pilot program, I only allowed couples so they couldn’t hide out in their marriages, while appearing spiritual around their peers. I believed in the end it would produce the most fruit, because how people relate with those closest to them reflects their true spiritual life.
Before forming the couples group, I held a series of get-togethers during the late summer of 2006 so we could get acquainted and I?could explain the goals the Lord was giving me for the small group ministry I wanted to embark on with them. There were a few guiding principles I based my discipling approach on. They were principles I had taught for years and lived out in my own personal life. My ministry had always been sacrificial to say the least, but this time those on the receiving end would be informed of it. Being sacrificial—willing to lovingly sow into their lives with no expectation of return— was one area that gave me the privilege of influence. This put our relationship into a one-sided mode. Simply, I would give, they would receive. I had the power of influence, they did not. I?knew what they needed and would come alongside as a helper to point out the need and the way for meeting it. Sounds simple enough, but you may have noticed in our society that even Christians are pretty independent people. We are each “top-dog” in our own little pack. To humbly submit to discipleship, one must actually deal with their pride, pride that can otherwise be hidden to those on the outside observing a life that appears to have it all together. The other area which gave me the privilege of influence was the clear fruit of my life, something they all desired for themselves. The Lord had their heart’s-attention as the humbling process began.
Because my weakened condition made it difficult to do anything extra outside of taking care of me, I couldn’t prepare much in advance for our gatherings. The Holy Spirit led me, and I cooperated with what I?saw needed done. My love for them was unconditional. I would never reject them or become offended by their actions, not needing their approval. But I would tell them the truth about what their hurtful actions had the potential of causing in their other relationships that weren’t based on unconditional love. I knew I had nothing to lose in being completely honest with them for I also had at that point nothing to gain from them. I was only just getting to know them as they were getting to know me.
I?was so blessed when they began to return in friendship to me, caring about me right where my concerns were, my health. I?had been direct with them at the beginning that, although we were beginning with a basically one-sided relationship, I did have godly expectations that they would mature and become concerned about what concerned me. This would put our relationships on a two-way, give and receive basis, something I had never really experienced very much through my ministry career. I knew it was only right, as children who mature to become sons and daughters become interested in their parents’ concerns, just as God’s children do when they mature into Christlike character become interested in the Lord’s concerns. I knew that ministering into someone’s life shouldn’t dictate a one-way relationship forever, and so although I couldn’t predict the outcome of my fledgling effort, I still held out the hope that mature and lasting relationships would develop from it.
Part 5—Barbie Poling’s Experiences with Marilyn during This Season
Some of the amazing miracles Marilyn is speaking of include what happened with my mom who was living with us as we cared for her in her advanced stage of Alzheimer’s disease. A more complete testimony of my mom’s miraculous reconciliation can be found on my personal Facebook page.
I was one of the women whose life Marilyn entered as she became concerned about what concerned me, and that was caring for my mom. Marilyn told me the truth about how I was relating with my mom, and how I was neglecting to meet her spiritual needs. She also told me the truth about how I was relating with herself, making wrong assumptions, twisting her words, and simply failing to respond.
One day shortly before Marilyn came over, I was taking the time to put my notes in order from all the meetings we had been having at Marilyn’s house. I was skimming them so that I would know how to arrange them. I soon stopped skimming and stared in amazement as EVERYTHING in my notes suddenly made complete sense! It was as if a huge veil had been lifted off my understanding. I felt like just saying over and over, I was blind, but now I see!
When Marilyn arrived, I found that I couldn’t express what had happened to me. All I could do was cry in gratitude being totally humbled that I had been SO unknowing and without understanding. I think all I could manage to say was, “All my notes make sense now!” I had the feeling that Marilyn knew what I was saying even though I couldn’t manage to express it.
I had had enough experience with the fruit of Marilyn’s ministry in my life by the summer of 2006 to know that she was definitely the one who would be influencing us, and not the other way around! I was eager for the discipleship group, and glad that my husband would be in on it too. I was fast coming to the place of cherishing the conviction of the Lord in my life, setting me free from my self-centeredness and wrong thinking as I cooperated with Him. My husband was mentally eager, but the thought of telling the truth unnerved him. As he said at the time, “I’m beginning to think that I don’t know what telling the truth actually is.”
As I began my attempts at two-way relating by making Marilyn’s concerns my own, I made many mistakes. I talked with people I shouldn’t have, I tried to bring solutions that she didn’t really want. I tried to fix things while being uninformed. I failed to comfort when that was what she needed, I failed to listen when that’s what she really wanted, and I failed to verbally respond when that was what she would have liked. Each time I failed, Marilyn pointed out how I was being unloving toward her. She also assured me that she knew my heart was for her, and so she generously forgave me, helping me to understand what would have been better, and slowly I learned how to relate in a mature way. Through her correction I was also able to examine my motivation for doing what I had done. I continued to find more self-centered motivation lurking in my relational habits, and I continued to repent.
Wow!! The Lord used your words throughout Marilyn and your testimony Barbie to reveal to me some things I was not seeing about unconditional love without offense or expectation of return. As you (barbie) were talking about Marilyn’s correction in your life, I realized that I had sometimes in my life entertwined correction and criticism so to me it felt like a bad thing. However, in reading this I was able to see how different they are. Correction is out of love for us and teaching. Criticism is usually about the one being critical and about how they prefer things to be (self motivated). Thank you both for sharing and giving me much to think on. Loved this statement below by Marilyn.
“I would never reject them or become offended by their actions, not needing their approval. But I would tell them the truth about what their hurtful actions had the potential of causing in their other relationships that weren’t based on unconditional love.”