Christlike Character and Chores

[from the archives]

Rachel came into my room and flopped onto my bed. “Hi Mommy!” she said in her happy-to-see-me high voice. She rolled over to face me with her chin in her hands and asked me what I was doin’.

“I’m trying to sort through these Lifestyle of Learning articles. I want to categorize them, but many of them seem to span the catagories I have, so I’m trying to figure it out.” I began to tell her what the articles were about, and she gave me her thoughts and some ideas.

One of the articles encouraged moms to have a household chore system for the home that involves the children. Rachel and I began reminiscing about how the Lord led me to the place where I could keep my house tidy, and easily involve the kids in it too. We tried to remember that little church library in Alabama where I “happened” upon a book called “Sidetracked Home Executive” by the Slob Sisters, which got me started in a better way to organize and clean.

We talked through our memories, she from her perspective as a 7-year-old at that time, and me from mine. We remembered things about our house in Alabama that we really liked, and some funny things that happened there.  Our very enjoyable conversation led us up to the present where I’ve been blogging about our kitchen clean-up. I was telling Rachel how I’ve been thinking lately about all the Lord has done in our lives because of learning to clean up the kitchen.

Together we talked about how much all the kids have changed and matured. It’s been so slow and gradual that it wasn’t until I’ve been blogging about it and remembering how it used to be that I can clearly see how much Christlike character formation has come through the discussions and corrections generated by the relational difficulties of cleaning up the kitchen.

I know moms who can’t bear to have their children involved in the chores because it takes too long, and the chores don’t get done as well as they would like. I know moms who don’t involve their children in the chores because they feel it would be unfair; children should enjoy their childhood and they don’t want to take away their “free time”.

I know moms who realize it would be an authority/control struggle to get their children to participate, so they would rather not put in the effort to try, preferring to avoid the conflict. I know moms who don’t know how to discipline themselves in the chores of the house, and so they are unable to bring their children into the process as it is generally neglected by all.

I know moms who get themselves all organized with a zealous household clean-up plan, then bring the children into it with so much sudden forcefulness that their heads spin. Mom is on an angry rampage to whip the house into shape as she’s frustrated with the children’s inability to help, and then just as suddenly it’s over. Then life slides back into nebulous increasing busyness and messiness until the cycle happens again.

I know moms who direct their children in chores, and the children comply mostly out of fear of their mom’s anger, shame or punishment. The children rarely have joy in the chores, and the relational tension between the siblings and toward the parent continues to fester, but the chores are getting done, and the mom thinks that is the most important thing.

Chores and kitchen clean-up need to be done in order for a home to continue functioning in efficiency. As I remember and look back, I see so clearly how the product of a clean house is secondary to the heart-level relational character that is possible when we as parents discipline OURSELVES to engage our children in the chores, and more importantly, connect in to their attitudes, intentions, and motivations toward the work and toward everyone else involved.

We need to instruct our children IN love, ABOUT love through all the processes of life!

You can read more about the connection between Lifestyle of Learning and chores in Marilyn Howshall’s ebook Develop a Lifestyle Routine.

[originally posted August, 2010]