[from the archives]
Continuing on from my last blog post—As I met with Phillip each morning loving on him and encouraging him in his small tasks, over the first couple of weeks, he began to melt into my arms a bit, and be a bit less stiff. Sometimes my husband Tim would be home during our 8:00am meetings, and he would sit on the bed on the other side of Phillip. Their relationship was too broken for either of them to engage in affection, but at least Tim would sit there. When I told Phillip that I loved him, Tim would nod in agreement.
One by one over time, Phillip voluntarily took on the responsibility of getting his small tasks done before he came into my room. He started getting himself up earlier so that he could wash his face, make his bed, and tidy his room before coming to see me. I had many things to say to shower him with my approval, and he began to lean into me, expecting my embrace and my kisses.
He wanted to stay in my arms longer, and so we talked about all sorts of things. I began to talk with him about his relationship with the other kids, and things began to improve slightly there. He didn’t say much. He was a very quiet and serious guy. He didn’t like to talk, and he kept his thoughts to himself. He didn’t want to look in my face, but he was glad to rest in my arms.
I don’t remember how long we’d been meeting in the mornings, before he began to ask me questions. He told me that he was tempted to steal small pieces from Josiah’s candy stash, and he wanted to know what to do about it. He said that they called to him every time he walked by because he knew where they were. I talked to him about how important it is to confess, and I encouraged him to come to me and tell me whenever he felt tempted. “Confession breaks the power of sin over you so that you are stronger to obey your conscience.” I talked to him about preparing himself to walk past and resisting the temptation.
I was so blessed that he was accomplishing his tasks, and that love had empowered him. I liked our talks in the morning and I had become totally at ease with loving on him, and kissing his head and face. Our meetings had accomplished all that I had in mind, but little did I know that God had something in His mind far beyond what I could ask or think…..
To Learn more about reconciling relationships with your children, read Empowering the Transfer of Moral Values and Faith.
[originally posted October 2010]
I feel the Lord is giving so much grace in these posts, thank you Barbie, I am in love w/ Jesus, thank you for pointing me to Him
The details of your process of learning to love your family much and well are instructing me in God’s ways. This is such a help to one so steeped in legalism that she doesn’t have much substance behind her concepts of “process” and “grace”. In this installment of your blog I was struck, and very encouraged, that it took some time for Philip to begin talking to you about his life. I’ve always had “all or nothing” thinking and quit my efforts before they had time to produce anything. I would have said, “Well, that didn’t work!” after a time or two of hugging a stiff board. Or I would be manipulative and try to make things happen–and then be dissatisfied and quit, or think I accomplished something and quit. The bottom line is: I always quit. “Love is patient”–and disciplined.:) Thank you, Barbie.
God is so loving to us. This makes me think about how He’s allowed me and guided me so specifically in how to sacrificially love my children since meeting you. My son used to seeth with anger at me, but now, just like you say Barbie, he “melts into my arms” and looks in my eyes as I listen to him. We are so much more affectionate and it is wonderful! Our time together at bedtime has become a personal and precious thing to me (and I think to him as well). Thank you so much for your love and sacrifice on my behalf, I am so blessed to receive from you. 🙂
Thank You Lord for all you’re doing in Michelle’s family! Your reconciliation and restoration is beautiful!