I never understood how serious Christians could spend so many years pursuing spiritual growth without actually accomplishing powerful inner change. I had always known it was an issue of an incomplete reconciliation, but I came to understand they simply didn’t know they needed to complete their reconciliation with God, failing to understand what He was after in them. Christians want God to work in their lives, but subconsciously only as it falls short of actually going to the cross of death to self life, which is just an expression for death of self-centeredness. Christ is really not at the center, but self is. Coming to maturity is a process, but Christlike character—where Christ is at the center—is formed in us rather quickly, with the ability to love selflessly, relate correctly, and produce the fruit of Christlike character in our children. The fruit of unity in a marriage, and unity, peace, harmony, and teamwork in a family is also set in place quickly through the power of the Holy Spirit in each family member who is learning and practicing self-control-by-love.
This powerful inner change is what I had hoped to witness in the women of my women’s group. While although they were God-fearing, lovely ladies who wanted the Lord’s hand in their lives, they had not actually been changed at the heart level to the point where they could relate correctly, according to God’s design for His bride. They never learned how to enter an honest two-way relationship. This kept them in a state of spiritual immaturity, like children.
Once the intense focus of the first six months was behind us, we continued to develop our community relationships and deepen our process of understanding and growth. Then in the Autumn of 2008 after the season of my children’s weddings, we resumed our weekly gatherings, but we expanded our group to include my 20s group. Oh yes, I almost forgot, I had also conducted a ministry for them on Tuesday nights to do a similar work. Now we were all on the same page, each one being truly discipled to the Lord and so we were of the same spirit, the Lord’s Spirit. Now we could build our community’s spiritual life on the Spirit and not on top of the multiple flesh issues everyone had come with. We knew it was time to build our corporate spiritual life through more prayer and worship.
(continued in part 9)
“Coming to maturity is a process, but Christlike character—where Christ is at the center—is something that can be formed in us rather quickly, with the ability to love selflessly, relate correctly, and produce the fruit of Christlike character in our children. The fruit of unity in a marriage, and unity, peace, harmony, and teamwork in a family is something that can be set in place quickly through the power of the Holy Spirit in each family member who is learning and practicing self-control-by-love.”
I find this to be very hopeful! My heart is aching because of what God is stripping away and the truth that I can not ignore.
Part 8—Barbie Poling’s Experiences with Marilyn During This Season
I was a serious Christian who pursued spiritual growth. I was raised in church, and as I became an adult, I continued to be a very involved Christian, holding multiple leadership positions in the church and teaching Christian classes. I was serious about my relationship with the Lord and I wanted to help others with their Christian walk. I had heard and used the expression “death to self,” but I thought it was something that we pursued in the big things of life. I thought that my homeschooling was dying to myself. I thought that making sure I married a Christian man was dying to myself. I thought of my church service as dying to myself and I thought of my submission to my husband’s anger and allowing him to control me was dying to myself.
I didn’t think that I was self-centered until Marilyn’s instruction to me became much more pointed and frank, and I certainly didn’t realize how deep my self-centeredness was. I didn’t know that reconciliation with God involved a process of putting to death all the self-centeredness that motivated my habits of relating that had been formed throughout my life. I thought I was reconciled to God simply because I had invited Jesus into my heart when I was five-years-old, and again when I was sixteen-years-old. As Marilyn began to explain how my habits of relating were self-seeking, my whole understanding changed. I began to feel like I had never known what love really was. I had subconsciously thought that love for the brethren was mostly just making sure that I left people alone enough to avoid conflict.
When Marilyn began showing me the way toward real reconciliation with the Lord and death to my self-centeredness, deep changes in my habits of relating happened rapidly, and as I changed, the changes toward Christlike character in my children happened even more rapidly. Relational difficulties with my kids, which I came to see were the result of self-centeredness, quickly dropped off. Since self-centeredness was being dealt a death blow in my family, I was able to lead my children toward relational maturity from their hearts that were fully turned toward me, and toward the Lord. Spiritual growth and change became rapid in my whole family, and it has not slowed down since.
I agree with Jennifer. It’s hopeful! And I feel as though Barbie’s description of her self-centered state could have been me. My awakening is showing me how often I am self-seeking instead of God-led. I want so much to be where I’m winning the fight more than losing. But I continue to see where I must die to flesh.