My Rights vs. Love

[from the archives]

We walked down the trail toward the camp glad to be finally going down hill!  I was in the lead, because I’d gotten a head start, knowing that I’d soon be at the back of the pack as my energetic family would pass me by. Lizzy was right behind me followed by Josiah.

Lizzy said, “Josiah, please don’t put your hand on my shoulder like that.”  She said it nicely enough, but both Josiah and I could hear the slight irritation in her voice.

As we walked on Josiah began to explain, “Sorry Lizzy, I tripped over that root in the trail back there and I almost, WHAAAH!!!….”  Josiah’s words gave way as he acted out what happened taking great delight in dramatizing it and reliving the momentary flight of tripping which resulted in him laying his hand on Lizzy’s shoulder in order to prevent himself from plowing her down. He had so much fun explaining it that he started over making his story funnier with the second telling, breaking down into the squeaky laugh of a boy whose voice is changing. Hearing his own laughter made him laugh all the more as he passed us by on the trail and began to run downhill.

I began to talk with Lizzy about her response to Josiah. The edge in her voice revealed that she was slightly offended by Josiah’s actions. She didn’t know that Josiah had tripped, and she interpreted his hand on her shoulder as an affront. I helped her to see how her offense was the result of her own self-focus. She had an opinion within herself that she had a right to be treated a certain way, and Josiah’s touching her didn’t fit with her notions of how she ought to be treated. It didn’t matter that she expressed herself with politeness, saying “please”, her attitude was clear even in her calmly spoken words. She had no concern for Josiah, and she didn’t stop to find out what was happening before she reacted.

That’s usually the case with offense, which expresses itself in irritation, fault-finding, blame or anger. The offended party is more concerned with their own agenda or their own opinion of how things ought to be than with the other person. We as believers are NEVER to take up offense even when another is sinning against us, Luke 6:35-36 (But love your enemies and be kind and do good …. and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind and charitable and good to the ungrateful and the selfish and wicked.). We need to live in a constant state of forgiveness toward others, which requires that we are speedy and eager to give others the benefit of the doubt and come to understand what is happening, and respond in a way that is the best for them.

As Lizzy and I walked arm in arm down the trail, I explained to her how she could have responded instead. “You could have turned around to see why Josiah did that, and you might have seen that he tripped and you could have said, ‘Are you alright?’ or you could have asked him what was happening, and then you could have laughed with him as he told about his tripping. You could have been glad that you were there to stop him from falling flat on his face and skinning up his knees.” I contrasted this again with how she did respond so that she could clearly see the selfishness of her ways.

We talked more about how she could pay more attention to her responses.  If she heard herself sounding irritated or was tempted to be harsh sounding, she could search her heart for the right she was holding onto to be treated a certain way, and choose to lay that flesh response aside in order to understand and care for the other person.

By that time we’d reached the camp where we all flopped down in our chairs to rest, pull our shoes off and get some water for the dog and nurse Rachel’s blister.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” ~ Phil 2:3

[originally posted August, 2010]