Love Empowers Repentance

[from the archives]

Continuing on from my last blog post—

In the morning, Phillip was out early searching our property and the next over vacant property for Rusty in the daylight. I again puzzled to myself at his uncommon concern for my dog, but I was grateful for his help.

We had some errands to run, so the kids and I piled in the car, pulled out of our road and headed down the hill. Just a couple of driveways down, Phillip shouted out, “MOM! There he is! I saw him in the ditch!” I pulled into the next driveway and we all jumped out and ran up the road. There was Rusty in the ditch stiff with death and soaked with rain.

I had already begun to cry as we came up the road, but then I put my face in my hands. My worst fears for Rusty were true. But then I was suddenly shocked out of my sorrow for a moment. Phillip wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. He was comforting me! He was silently crying too.

After a few minutes knowing there was nothing we could do, we piled back in the car and went on to our errands. I called my husband and told him where Rusty was. He asked if I wanted him to bury him or wait till we got home. Phillip was adamant about not burying him until we were there. I puzzled again to myself at Phillip’s intense concern.

All through my errands Phillip stayed very close to me. He seemed more deep in thought than usual and kind of fidgety.

When we got home, Phillip helped Tim dig a grave, then he came to find me.  He was trembling and obviously anxious. His face was pale with what I’ve come to know as conviction, but I wasn’t so familiar with that look at that time. He began to cry as he said he needed to tell me something. He explained to me that he had been engaging in some sin for which he was very ashamed, and he’d been hiding it from me. As he spoke he began to cry harder declaring how sorry he was and asking for my forgiveness. I rushed to pull him close and showered him with forgiveness and love.

Then he said what I will never forget, “Mom, I was afraid to tell you because I thought you would get mad at me.” His emphasis was on the word “was” meaning that he was no longer afraid that I would get mad. A new wave of understanding washed over me about what my disapproval and shaming had caused in him and all my children. They were afraid of being real with me—too afraid to tell me the truth and get my help with their troubles. They were too afraid to receive any sort of discipleship from me or instruction in living the overcoming life at the heart level that we are called to live. I saw how my sin against him had shut him off from a real and saving relationship with the Lord despite all my plans and efforts to raise good Christian children, I was actually producing the opposite. I was overcome with gratitude toward the Lord for continuing to rescue us from the mess I was making of my family in my flesh (my self-centeredness).

Then with total sincerity and tears still streaming down his face he said, “Mom, I know it was because of my sin that Rusty died. Can we pray for him that he’ll come back to life?”

I was reeling with all sorts of emotion. My dog had died, my son had just confessed to things I didn’t know about, and had so fully repented, I was having more and new revelation about the ways of the Lord—I was shocked and amazed, overcome with gratefulness and sad all at the same time. I knew I didn’t have the faith to raise Rusty from the dead. I began to immediately comfort Phillip and assure him that Rusty probably got hit by a car because of his fear at the storm. It wasn’t his fault. I told him that I was so glad that Rusty’s death had such a good thing come out of it, that he came to me to confess and repent. I hugged on him and kissed him and continued to assure him.

Together we walked down to the grave. Tim had already rested Rusty down in it. All the kids were there. I couldn’t decide whether to burst out rejoicing or break down crying. I held Phillip close and thanked the Lord for giving us Rusty and for using our experience for good things in our lives. Then Phillip and I got down on the ground so we could reach him and we pet his head one last time.

Phillip was completely changed.  In my next blog post I’ll explain how…..and why…..

Continue reading this story….