I’ve been editing Connecting to Your God-Given Forces for Growth by Marilyn Howshall over the last couple of weeks in preparation for the launching of the Seven Seasons to 
LYFE on-line program. As I was reading over it again today I was making some connections with some of my memories from a few years back.
I was reading about how learning of God’s standard of love gives us the desire to obey, and then our conscience judges our hearts and actions according to that standard. I’ve always referred to this process I’ve noticed in myself as “educating my conscience.”
I remember that once I was at a meeting where Marilyn was answering another mom’s question about her daughter’s messy room. Marilyn was saying to this mom that she needs to teach her daughter that leaving messes behind her is unloving to others. At that time I was still in the habit of leaving messes behind me, not stopping to put away the things I got out.
Hearing Marilyn speak at that meeting raised a standard of loving behavior to me, and then my conscience came alive to judge my actions by this new standard that I did not recognize before. I new I was a messy person, but I couldn’t seem to change this behavior in myself even though I tried many times. Once I became aware that my behavior was actually unloving toward my family, my desire to become Christlike by loving them became greater than my need to hold to my old messy habits. My conscience spoke to me EVERY time I began to walk away from my unmade bed, an open cupboard, or something I had just used without making it, closing it or putting things away. Over time as I obeyed, my habits changed, and it was no longer an extra effort to make my bed, close the cupboards and put things away. I became trained by the Holy Spirit speaking through my conscience as it embraced a new standard.
I was talking with a friend lately about this idea of “educating my conscience.” She agreed that I had done that for her many times. Through the course of our conversations I had pointed out to her some way that she was thinking or behaving that was unloving toward others in her life. She agreed that once I had said so, or led her through questions to realize an unloving behavior, her conscience came alive to it, and she could no longer behave that way without being convicted in conscience. Before we talked about it, she had not thought of it as unloving.
I saw this happen just yesterday. I went to visit a precious mom who is pursuing turning her life around towards God’s ways with all her heart. Through our conversation I talked with her about her need to repent to her son for some things in the past. Before we talked, she had not been aware that it was something to do. She wasn’t resisting it, or ignoring it, she just didn’t realize she needed to. As we spoke, this particular standard of loving behavior was raised to her. Because her desire is to embrace all of God’s loving ways, as soon as the standard was raised she longed to obey as soon as possible. Our discussion had educated her conscience, and her desire to obey propelled her to repent to him as soon as the right time presented itself.
I am seeing anew how important it is to talk about love. To search the Scripture looking for love, to do word studies examining all aspects of love, to listen to and share your thoughts with those who have learned how to love. And the opposite as well, to search for unloving selfish attitudes, intentions, and motivations in ourselves and our children, and to thoroughly examine all the things in the Bible that say what love is not.—“love is not jealous, envious, boastful, proud, or rude and it does not demand its own way” etc.
As we seek after His loving ways with diligence, we will end up “educating our conscience”, or as Marilyn says in her book I’ve been editing, “raise the standard of God’s Law of LOVE” in our hearts. Then when we are trained by the Holy Spirit through our educated conscience, we will be able to educate our children in Christlike character as well, raising the standard of God’s love in our homes.
“EAGERLY PURSUE and seek to acquire [this] love [make it your aim, your great quest];” 1 Corinthians 14:1 Amplified
Unfortunately too many homeschoolers are diligently seeking after and eagerly pursuing religious activity, and the Christian Homeschool look of acceptable behaviors—healthy and natural eating, lots of children, certain clothing, certain music and entertainment, lots of scripture memorization, conservative politics, etc. None of these are wrong ideals in themselves. It’s just that so many homeschoolers pursue them with all their hearts, filling their minds with thoughts about increasing in these “good works” and pressing those around them toward the same, thinking they are a means to be more spiritual, or more righteous. None of these activities will make you more righteous.
“If anyone imagines that he has come to know and understand much [of divine things, without love], he does not yet perceive and recognize and understand as strongly and clearly, nor has he become as intimately acquainted with anything as he ought or as is necessary.” 1 Corinthians 8:2 Amplified
God’s righteousness is all about relating rightly in love beginning with your spouse and children. This is what we must eagerly pursue in order to begin to know God.
“My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can’t know him if you don’t love.” 1 John 4:7 Message Bible
Barbie, as I read the end of this post, I was reminded of something I expereinced this week. I love traditions and yet I am not all that consistent. It seems each holiday catches me unawares. Palm Sunday came and I suddenly had an incredible desire to have Holy Week traditions, maybe even a Holy Week devotional and I felt so ashamed that I had not thought of it earlier, especially as if I had thought of it earlier, I could have made it a whole Lenten season of devotions and traditions. But, I decided to start where I was. I spent almost all of Palm Sunday, researching, synthesizing, copying and pasting, and by evening managed to throw in a cross-weaving activity from palm fronds. I spent the rest of that night researching Holy Monday so that I might be prepared for the next day – almost missed kissing my girls good night. But, I was ready! As I lay in bed that night, thoughts swirling in my head, something broke. I was no better than the pharisees. I was looking for the RIGHT way to celebrate the holiday! Obsessively seeking to create a perfect list of rules for how to celebrate what Christ did on the cross, so that when I was finished, I could stand with hands on my hips, and say, “I did it!” Meanwhile, I would have completely ignored my family, missed a multitude of opportunities for actually showing them God’s love. Easter would come and go in a whirlwind and on the other side of it, I would be left feeling empty as the tomb and my children would feel the same. So, and this was hard for me, I let go of my project (not a bad idea in itself) and decided that if I did not first search out the true meaning of Easter, what Jesus did at the cross and what his resurrection means for me, and apply it to my own life, I really would have nothing of value to say.
Also, the last verse in your post, 1 John 4:7 really struck me. I often feel like at best my relationship with God is shallow. I need to memorize this verse, especially taking to heart “Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God.” My personal path to a meaninful relationship with God is to love. I am standing in my own way.
YES! I have experienced this often! Through you, my sister, Marilyn’s teachings, the Bible, my church family and other moments of revelation. But I love how you explain it. I’ve often wondered why I didn’t see “that” before. I can see why searching for what love is and is not, is important. And why having others around to speak truth helps that process.