Becoming Educated About Walking in Faith

I’m not much of a coffee drinker, but before my move across the state, I always used to look forward to meeting up with my long-time friend at Starbucks. We both had a houseful of young kids at home and so our talks over coffee were rare. Between the two of us, we almost always had a nursing baby in tow, but being in the company of one peaceful infant was a stark contrast to the constant activity and greatly increased volume that we experienced when our entire families came together.

One evening over coffee our conversation turned, as it often did, to the topic of our children. More specifically, we began to rehash our common belief that God’s desire was for us to walk in faith by surrendering to Him the control of both when and how many children we were to have. I remember making the statement that I would never judge anyone who did not share in my conviction.

However, in my self-righteousness, I was blind to the fact that I was constantly judging others in my heart. I would express “compassion” over their misfortune that God had not revealed His truth to them in the way that He had to me. Deep down I believed God’s truths like this one were only made known to the select few who had, by some stroke of good luck, received God’s favor in having these things revealed. In my flesh (self-focus), I had replaced God with an image of who I wanted Him to be in order to build up my own outward appearance, but I did not know the real God.

In my pride, I also believed that my understanding of this particular truth – as I had interpreted it from the study of the Scriptures – was proof of my own spiritual maturity and intimate relationship with the Lord. I was in error about that too.

I claimed that my conviction had come as a result of seeking God in this area of my life. I believed that to be true, but I was again deceived. As much as I had diligently studied my Bible to understand the Lord’s will in this area, the unfortunate result was my own twisted interpretation of truth. In my attempt to educate myself, I had entered into a process of scholarship while rejecting the personal discipleship of the Holy Spirit to lead me into an accurate understanding of His truth. Jesus addressed this same issue with religious people in His day:

“You search and investigate and pore over the Scriptures diligently, because you suppose and trust that you have eternal life through them. And these [very Scriptures] testify about Me! And still you are not willing [but refuse] to come to Me, so that you might have life.” ~ John 5:39-40 TAB

The Lord has never been impressed with my external appearance of righteousness, but He has always been deeply concerned with the inward condition of my heart. Jesus did give me a command, but it had nothing to do with family planning.

“This is my command: Love each other.” ~ John 15:17 NIV

If I had only allowed the Lord to educate me, I would have understood that His only standard for me was one that needed be accomplished within my heart – to love others. When I had judged others for not sharing in my beliefs, there was no love in my heart. When I had expressed self-righteous “compassion,” it had not been genuine. It had stemmed from my own attitude of superiority and not from love. When my hidden intention over coffee with my friend was to be affirmed of my own appearance of righteousness and spiritual maturity, I was not loving her. I was using her to meet my needs for approval and identification to a legalistic and self-imposed set of external requirements.

The Bible makes it extremely clear that if I do not love, then I do not know God (1 John 4:8). How arrogant I had been to believe that I could correctly interpret the Scripture, the Lord’s written word to me, when I did not intimately know the Lord, the author of the written word. An accurate understanding of spiritual truth can only be experienced through my cooperative effort with the Lord. He wants to make Himself known to me, but I must choose to enter into a process of discipleship with Him in order for this to happen. Discipleship is simply coming to know the Lord in relationship as I allow Him to educate me in His ways of love. He corrects and instructs me through my conscience. The more intimately I know the Lord by learning how to love like He does, the more accurately I will understand His moral truths as He reveals them to me, resulting in my own growth and change.

As I have been truly educated by the Lord, some of my thinking has remained unchanged. I still believe that children are a gift from God. In fact, I am currently pregnant and expecting my seventh child in just a few short months.

However as I have come to know Him more, the Lord has also corrected me in much of what I previously thought to be true. He has taught me that true righteousness occurs in my heart. It can never be achieved through an outward appearance of righteousness (like “leaving my family planning to God”) while the attitudes, intentions and motivations of my heart remain unloving.

You see, I used to believe that trusting God with my family size was His desire, not only for me but universally for all true believers. My sincere desire was to please God, to walk in faith by surrendering to Him control of this area of my life. And the Lord did want me to walk in faith, but it was only as I entered into a discipleship process with Him that He could accurately educate me in how to do that. I learned that a true walk of faith is a simple Spirit-led process in which the Lord instructs me in how to love and I choose to obey His instruction.

Every day I am given the opportunity to listen as He addresses the condition of my heart. When I choose to obey what He reveals to me in how to extend His pure kind of love to others, I am walking in faith. And this is what pleases the Lord.

~Christi Faagau