I listened with interest as my 7-year-old son described the details of a toy he had recently discovered and now wanted to have. I agreed with him that yes, it was a great toy, but no, that did not mean we would be getting it right now. His face fell with disappointment at my words.
It is not a sin to be disappointed. In fact, a period of disappointment is both understandable and acceptable as long as it is accompanied with acceptance and a right attitude. But my son’s disappointment was followed with sulking and self-pity. The selfish condition of his heart had been exposed.
This wasn’t the first “thing” that my son had so enthusiastically desired. In fact, lately it had become common practice for our conversations to revolve around some new “thing” that he had begun to covet in his heart.
I had also been observing him in his interest in money – in both collecting and counting his coins. Coin collecting is a wonderful interest and hobby for many people, including my son, but I could see that even at his young age, his flesh tendency was to have an unhealthy appetite for both money and things. This was yet another opportunity to teach my son more about the self-centered ways of his own flesh and to point him towards Christlike character.
“Come and cuddle with me for a minute.” I smiled at him, and he accepted my invitation by snuggling up into my lap. “I’ve been worried about what’s been going on in your heart. I know that it’s not good because of what I’ve been seeing in your attitude recently, and I want to help you understand what I am seeing. You know, just now I was reminded of when I saw you looking through the toy catalogue that came in the mail and making a list. It reminded me of something that a lot of kids do at Christmastime. Do you want me to tell you about it?”
His curious eyes looked up into mine, and he nodded his head in response.
“Some kids make Christmas lists. They spend lots of time thinking about all of the toys and games and other presents that they want to get and then they write them all down on a list. They spend all this time thinking about what they want to get for themselves. Does that sound kind of like the list that you were making?”
He paused for a minute. “Well, sort of,” he explained, “but I wrote down prices too. That way I could figure out what all I had enough money to buy.”
Wanting to clarify, I asked, “Oh, so you mean that you were trying to figure out what gifts you could afford to get other people for Christmas?”
“Well,” he cleared his throat. “No, um, actually, they were things that were going to be for me.”
“There are lots of neat things in that catalogue, aren’t there?” I asked. He nodded his reply and I continued, “You know, even if you were able to buy everything on that list for yourself, you still wouldn’t be happy. Do you know why?”
There was silence, but I could tell that he was listening to my words. “When you only focus on the things you want for yourself, you are being greedy and you will never be content with what you already have. No matter how many neat things you have, you will always be able to find more things to want. Not only that, but when you are only thinking about yourself instead of thinking about others, you are being selfish and unloving.”
I continued, “The Lord knows that you will only be truly happy in your heart when you choose to be content and thankful for what you already have and when you become more concerned about what other people need and want than what you want for yourself. He did not create you to be greedy and selfish. That is not the real you. The Lord created you to be loving – to be a blessing by giving to others.”
We began to talk about making a new list, and I watched as my son began to experience the excitement and joy that came from this list – a list of gifts and services that he could give to others.
Just to be clear, there is nothing inherently sinful about writing a Christmas list. Even my own son’s list, in and of itself, was not wrong; it was his heart behind the list that was selfish. My correction and instruction was not directed towards the writing of his list or the collecting and counting of his coins. I knew that it was not these outward actions, but the inner motivation of his heart that needed my attention.
As I held my son in my arms, I was reminded once again of his heart-level needs to be deeply known and deeply loved. By identifying and addressing the greed and selfishness that was hidden in his heart, I was taking the time to meet those very real needs. This will not be the last time that I see the unloving attitudes, intentions and motivations of his heart. Each time I do, I am given another opportunity to draw him a step closer to being the individual that the Lord created him to be.
~ Christi Faagau
Thank you, so much, Christi for sharing this example. I have been seeing this exact same thing going on with my son and his Lego collection, and his continual list making, and I appreciate your example of how you gently helped expose his unloving AIM.
Christi, you have this gift! You can see right into your children’s hearts and bring precise correction and instruction onto their level. I’m always convicted personally by your posts (I make selfish Christmas lists!) and challenged in how to reach my own children. Lord, please use Christi’s example to help me identify greed in myself and my children’s hearts.