part 13 ~ the “hard” small picture

In the midst of tremendous sufferings, I’ve been grateful for many healings. I?was especially grateful when painful neuropathy finally left my life in the autumn of 2008 so I could sleep through the night, something I hadn’t been able to do for a few years. I?still dealt with eye muscle spasms at night, which prevented me from falling asleep, but I dealt with that by not going to bed until I was falling asleep on my feet so I didn’t have to experience my hyperactive nervous system. That has since been under control for which I’m really grateful. I’ve been getting a great nights sleep on most nights since then. I experienced healing of?serious and chronic digestive disorders and incontinence due to muscle weaknesses that I aggressively dealt with for over a year, which had prevented supplemental nutrition from having any effect toward recovering my health. Once I?had victory over that I was able to gain added momentum toward healing.

A few other areas I?overcame were chronic infections, serious food intolerances (overloading the lymphatic system), serious memory losses, the advancing of arthritis, and more. Once I documented over 70 issues I was dealing with just to function during a period of about two years. In the summer of 2008 I gained a lot of momentum toward recovery, reducing that number to just about 30. I?haven’t given it a thought since then as I needed to just live and get back to work. And I was finally at the place where I actually wanted to get back to the bigger picture of the Lord’s work.

I’m so, so grateful that now I am up and out the door within a half an hour doing all the same things it used to take me two hours to carry out. I’m so grateful that through regular extra oxygen to my brain (exercise!), I recovered many memories, and I continue to gain improved ability with current memory demands. I recently enjoyed going through over ten thousand digital photos taken by my children of the previous five years to recapture some lost memories when I wasn’t “all there.” The kids were always having to remind me of happenings that normally I wouldn’t have forgotten. Or constantly reminding me of the immediate day’s activities as I couldn’t hang on to anything for even an hour, during the worst year before recovery began.

Going through and organizing photos into iPhoto albums was therapeutic for my soul, because so many big events happened in our family during those years and many, many precious relational-building times with Eireen and Aaron who were living with my family during that time (God sent Eireen from Poland and Aaron from Texas). I?was also able to spend two months recently sorting through personal belongings and recapturing precious lifestyle of learning memories as I surveyed the belongings and projects Kathryn and John left when they married and moved out of our home. Simply being able to physically do this work was a miracle in itself, with all the bending over it required. During this period, I also organized and bundled for storage ministry-related files and letters from readers. It gave me pause for reflection on the Lord’s work in my life, and I’m so grateful He found me faithful to His service for all those years, and is still finding me faithful for return to His service. So deeply, deeply grateful.

I can’t even begin to describe what it is like to walk and run normally again, no longer feeling so very old. I had not been able to stand (supporting my weight) for much more than a few minutes at a time for several years due to chronic pain that I?later learned was due to two different conditions. I?can now feel a muscle stretch, something I?wasn’t able to feel for a few years. I?run everywhere I?go, parking at the back of parking lots so I can run to the store, making the most of every opportunity to get more oxygen to my brain and muscles. I?can now enjoy being out in the sun, where I?used to experience heightened nerve pain with the sun on my back or head. I’m so grateful that through balance exercises, I was able to walk again without feeling like I was going to fall over or turn around without bumping into something (due to chronic and severe dizziness). I?hurt myself so much during that time, bumping my head, experiencing many bruisings, and losing my balance and bumping into walls just going through the house. I was always having to hold on just to move and turn around.

I can experience darkness without feeling like I’m going to neurologically “lose it.”I can now bound up and down my stairs without holding on to anything, do deep knee bends, lifting the weight of my body, jump on the trampoline, walk on driftwood at the beach, and run. I can make my bed and clean my house. I never could get used to seeing our bed unmade during those three years. I?didn’t have the strength in my hands to pull the covers up. Jim got used to doing all of our laundry and making the bed for me on the weekends. My girls had been in charge of cooking for a long time, but I’ve been cooking now for the past two years, and I?love being on my feet all day without any pain or what used to feel like a paralyzing stiffness!

I’m so grateful I can now turn my head this way and that without feeling everything inside it move. Chronic dizziness is gone as well as the tendency to black out. I can move my neck without feeling the bones rub on each other. I have wonderful range of motion and it feels so good to move. I’m so grateful I can move quickly and efficiently again like I used to and begin a new season of life with the most blessed privileges of grandparent duties. Even as recent as the summer of 2008 when my children were getting married, I was truly concerned I wouldn’t be able to do the “grandma” thing for them. I?can hold weight in my arms and hands (still a bit of a struggle at times, especially on my left side), carry grand baby, Jesse, around the store for a half an hour, and open my own bottles and jars, sometimes even new ones (I regained this ability only this September)! I’m so grateful I no longer need to hold on to Jim just to go from the house to the car or from the car to the store. (I fell several times when alone).

I’m grateful my purse is no longer too heavy for me to carry (I had to downsize for a time, but recently got a larger one again), and I can carry all my own groceries, no longer needing help to get my bags out of the cart and into the car and then into the house. I?gladly refuse all offers of help, because I absolutely love carrying anything heavy (because I can feel it in my muscles), running uphill (muscle and heart work), and up and down my stairs (makes me feel young), running on six feet of snow on Mount Rainier (challenging and exhilarating), running on sand (great for strengthening my ankles), racing with my kids (just plain showing off), and just living! I’m so grateful for many, many things that I used to take for granted as part of a healthy lifestyle.

There really are no earthly destinations for the Believer in Jesus Christ, only journeys until we get to heaven, our destination. I’ve been sharing a part of my journey with you—the “hard” small picture of my life. It consists of things we don’t usually talk about, like?real time processes in fledgling ministry efforts before they’re honed and “perfected”, and the personal struggles of regaining life due to lost health before it’s all regained. But I am also sharing the victories of hope and faith in Jesus Christ. I’ve never known much, except the love and power of the Lord in my life, and now I know even less, but this one thing I do know—I?have profoundly more energy than just about anyone I know, and that without a shadow of a doubt it is due to the fact that my Redeemer lives! He lives inside of me, His power to perform many, many life quickenings to this battle-weary body of mine. He gives me the courage to live, and the hope of significant purpose for as long as I live. I give glory to Jesus for the great works He has done to save me, heal me, and keep me through the trials and sufferings of what has seemed like a lifetime. He is everything to me.

I want to share with you the passage of Scripture God gave me way back when my physical sufferings began. I?commited this passage to memory, wrote it on cards, carried it in my purse, posted it in my car, prayed it continuously, and generally just clung to its truths, reminding myself that the Holy?Spirit lived in me at a time when faith was all I had. He kept me through it all.

Romans 8:11 “And if the Spirit of Him Who raised up Jesus from the dead dwells in you, [then] He Who raised up Christ Jesus from the dead will also restore to life your mortal (short-lived, perishable) bodies through His Spirit Who dwells in you.”

This, my friends, is death working backwards. Only our powerful and awesome Lord can do such things.