“When I read these blogs I feel fully convicted but don’t seem to know exactly what to do. I have an 18-year-old son who desperately needs direction. How can I love and encourage him when he’s not really making good choices. He’s not a bad kid, but I find myself lecturing him and wanting to take away privileges. I think he’s really too old for that. Is it too late? He acts like he is still 14 or even 12. I also have an 11-year-old boy who I’m afraid is slipping away and a 20-year-old daughter who is dating a non-Christian. She knows we don’t approve but thinks it’s her choice. I really know I need to be different but can’t figure out how. I am grieving. Is there any reading material you recommend?” — Desperate Mom
Read Marilyn’s New Book
Empowering the Transfer to Moral Values and Faith is Marilyn Howshall’s newest book. Situations like yours are common among Christian parents, and common among homeschooling parents. We’ve done all the things we thought would cause our children to adopt our values, such as courting a Christian, pursuing valuable purpose, and maintaining close relationships. We want our children’s faith in the Lord to be real so that it inspires them toward the same values that our faith has led us to. I did the same.
I made sure my children were in church and in Sunday School. Our family had devotions every night before bed. The kids memorized lots of Scripture, and attended the mid-week kids’ programs. I taught the kids about the Bible, and we had Christian content in our homeschool subjects. We listened to Christian music, and I used Bible verses when I confronted their various behaviors as they grew. When they were older I led my kids to be involved in helping out and serving in the church. I expected my children to be obedient, and I believed that if they were obedient when they were young, they would follow through and continue to be submitted and obedient as they grew.
Still I found that as my children approached the teenage years, they began to resist and reject my input and my instruction. My son began to lie to me, and my daughter began to argue against my input for her. The failure of my parenting to effectively transfer my values, as well as my faith, to my children didn’t become apparent until around age 13 and 14. No one knew about the resistance except me. They loved their involvement in church, and they were always eager to be there. They were friendly and sociable to people outside of our family. We remained a model family in our church and homeschool circles even though I was beginning to fear that I was losing them.
In Marilyn’s new book, Empowering the Transfer of Moral Values and Faith, she shows why these commonly used parenting practices don’t produce an effective transfer of Moral Values and Faith. She writes about God’s Moral standard of love and how God intended for us to transfer it to our children. Marilyn presents 8 challenging ideas to lead parents toward a process of allowing God to transfer His values first to us as the parent, so we will have the wisdom to successfully transfer them to our children.
I highly recommend Empowering the Transfer of Moral Values and Faith. You can learn more about the book here. ~ Barbie Poling