Too Busy for Character Training

I can hear the arguing voices from the kitchen where I am finishing up the dishes. Instead of drying my hands and joining my 5- and 7-year-old in the family room, I call out over my shoulder, “What’s the problem?” I can hear the irritation in my voice and know that it is an accurate reflection of my attitude. After all, I am too busy and too tired to train in conflict resolution right now.

Then I hear it. It is the familiar voice of the Holy Spirit correcting me of my unloving tone and instructing me that I am missing the opportunity. This is his provision to teach my children how to love.

In an instant, I am reminded of the bossiness that I see in one of my children, the arrogance and lack of compassion in another. One child is easily offended and often critical of his siblings. Another still struggles with angry outbursts. It is obvious to me that I am not finished with my job of training them up in how to relate rightly with each other because they are still lacking in Christlike character.

It was over a year ago that the Holy Spirit began to reveal to me many of my own self-centered ways of relating to my family. His command has always been and will always be to love. It is when I have chosen to obey that I have grown in Christlikeness. But God wants me to be more like Him than I am today, so He is revealing a new truth to me now: He always has the time and He always has the energy to put into my character training. Will I choose to parent my children in the same way that He parents me?

I can see now that I have been placing my selfishly perceived needs for rest and fulfilling the household duties of our large young family above the true heart-level needs of my kids. It’s time to shift my priorities to line up with God’s priorities for my life. Ironically, I discover that when the heart-level training of my kids becomes my top priority, I really do have the time and the energy that it takes. It just means that the other activities of my life will take second place for this season.

The Lord doesn’t have unrealistic expectations for me. He simply wants me to stop being so preoccupied with getting the meal on the table and the laundry folded that I overlook the true spiritual condition of my kids. God’s desire is for me to help my kids recognize and address their own self-centered ways of relating with each other by stopping any activity immediately, even in the middle of the dishes, to address their unloving relational behavior. In the words of Marilyn Howshall, “Character training adds time to every duty, and every duty must stop for character training.” So that might mean that we will be having peanut butter and jelly for dinner. Again. But I am okay with that and so is God.

The heart-level training of my children is a full time, high-priority job. It is a great responsibility and honor to disciple my children to Jesus and His ways of love. But how? I know that only one thing works for us; the discipleship of my children must begin with my obedience. When I hear the correction and instruction of the Holy Spirit through my conscience and choose to obey, my heart is connecting with the heart of God. He becomes my model. In turn, I am being transformed into a Christlike model that will influence my own children at the heart-level.

My dishes aren’t done, but I shake my hands dry as I walk out of the kitchen and toward my boys. I’ve decided that I’m not too busy after all. I’m going to take advantage of this interruption because it is my opportunity to teach my kids how to love.

~ Christi Faagau