They’ll Know We are Christians by Our Love

[from the archives]

In my last blog I wrote about Rachel’s dream to play horn in a wind quintet and I described her process of bringing it into reality.

The quintet was finally all set up when classes started last week. Two days before the first rehearsal Rachel came into my room. She explained to me that she found out that day the bassoon player could no longer participate, and as I stated in my last blog post, there is only one bassoon player at her college.

Rachel was disappointed, but it was clear to me that her attitude was understanding toward the player. She wasn’t angry or irritated or bearing any ill will toward this person whose actions were bringing a possible end to her dream. Even though the bassoon player was very sad and perhaps a bit fearful to tell Rachel she couldn’t do it, she found that Rachel did not give a commonly expected response— the one the player may have been bracing for. Rachel was careful to shower the player with grace, which she showed by making it clear that she understood her circumstances.

Rachel talked about her options with me. She could settle for a clarinet trio instead, but then she wouldn’t be able to play her horn, and one of the other players would have to drop out. She could transpose the bassoon part for a bass clarinet, but that would be a lot of work! Her third option was to have a cellist play the bassoon part. She knows a couple of cello players at the college, but such short notice would probably prove very difficult for their schedules. One had already told her he could not do it.

There was one more possibility. My son Phillip plays cello. I asked Rachel if she thought he was skilled enough. She thought he would be with concentrated effort. We asked Phillip what he thought about the possibility. In order for him to do it, he would have to go to college with Rachel on rehearsal days once a week. He would have 4 hours of away from home waiting before the rehearsal. Phillip and I talked about what he could accomplish in those 4 hours. We talked about the cost to his time. His schedule is more crowded now than he’s ever experienced in his life. He would have to be all the more diligent and focused if he made this time commitment to Rachel’s quintet.

He wanted to do it. He wanted to make the sacrifice of a more relaxed schedule for this opportunity to not only bless Rachel, but grow in his own skill too. The next morning they left together for Rachel’s classes. They spent the hour and a half of driving together, and then 2 hours of waiting between Rachel’s classes together.

It was clear to me by the time they got home that there was a new depth to their already close relationship. Just before dinner, I saw Rachel look up into Phillip’s face to tell him, “Thank you for playing with me Phillip.” Her words weren’t just a formality. They carried with them the depth of her gratitude from her spirit as she was wanting to fully recognize his sacrifice for her, combined with the pleasure of his presence with her through the experiences of the whole day. They were inadequate words and all three of us knew it.

Phillip sincerely replied, “You’re welcome,” carrying back to her his deep delight of getting to choose to meet her need and getting to be with her and make music with her every Friday from now until Christmas.

I rejoiced to see such heart to heart expression and relating flowing between my children. There’s just nothing like this quality of love that echoes my relationship with the Lord.  There aren’t words to express how grateful I am for his sacrifice for me and the depth of my love for His presence, and the realization that he shines back to me, “You’re welcome!”

John 13:34-35 I give you a new commandment: that you should love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too should love one another. By this shall all [men] know that you are My disciples, if you love one another [if you keep on showing love among yourselves].

To learn more about heart-level parenting, read Marilyn Howshall’s ebook Empowered—Healing the Heartbeat of Your Family.

[originally posted September 2010]