Over this last week, I’ve had several opportunities to talk with some precious moms about comparison. I know Marilyn has written articles and shared much about comparison over the years, so my short e-letter is just an encouragement and reminder to moms of these truths I’ve had the privilege to learn from her.
When we’re unsure of what we need to be doing, or we’re doing something new, it is quite natural to look around at what others are doing, and to try to figure out how we can do it too. I remember when I was contemplating homeschooling. I had several friends who were already homeschooling, and so I was watching how they did things, so that I could figure it out too. Other people’s ways and processes can be a really great source of inspiration and instruction for our lives.
However, we enter into shaky insecurity, perfectionism, or even self-condemnation if we use those same sources of inspiration or example to become a measure of comparison for ourselves or for our children. As I read over the many homeschooling questions that scroll past my facebook page daily, I can see the sadness, questioning, discouragement and self-pity that is a common result of making wrong comparisons.
To compare means to bring multiple things together in your mind in order to consider and measure the sameness or the differences in relation to each other. Comparison in itself isn’t wrong. It only becomes wrong and leads us into wrong expectation and wrong thinking when we choose to bring the wrong sets of things together for the comparison, and then use that comparison to measure ourselves.
So what are right comparisons? What shall we compare and measure ourselves and our children with?
Galatians 6:4 says, “But let every person carefully scrutinize and examine and test his own conduct and his own work. He can then have the personal satisfaction and joy of doing something commendable [in itself alone] without [resorting to] boastful comparison with his neighbor.”
Examining your own work and behavior is a right comparison. When you bring together your own past work, behavior or process with your current work, behavior or process and examine the differences, you’re making a right comparison. Galatians says that this is a comparison that leads to satisfaction and joy. It will allow you to see growth and change.
When I hear a mom say, “Why am I not growing? I just don’t see the things happening in my life that I’m reading about.” I help them remember how things were not long ago. I get them to tell me about how their relationships were when they first began to listen to their conscience. “How were your children responding to you then?” As we talk, the second guessing and discouragement has the chance to melt away as the joy and satisfaction of seeing a right comparison reveals growth. She can now turn from wrong expectation on herself to thanks and praise to the Lord.
What kind of comparisons are you making? Are you comparing or measuring your work, your behavior, or your process with other homeschool moms? Are you comparing and measuring your children with each other or with the children of others?
As you look over the LOLACHE videos, notebooks, and Moms and Kids forums, allow the work and the behavior you see described there to be an inspiration and example to you. Save your comparisons for examining what has happened in the past with what is happening now, so that you can be filled with joy and thanksgiving to the Lord!
If you’re not a LOLACHE Member yet, we hope you can join us soon.
Thank you. Great reminder.