Getting More Specific

By BarbiePoling | Published May 13, 2012

[from the archives]

In my last blog post, I was talking about training my children to clean the kitchen in love together as a team. As I think more about my kids’ process of learning, I remember more about how it used to be as I dealt with their hearts in this area.

Phillip was one who took up personal offense by the injustice of the younger ones’ immaturity of attitude and skill. He would stop working at the kitchen clean-up in order to enforce his own brand of legalism on the others, and he did so with stern disapproving looks. He would leave the kitchen to find, usually Josiah or Lizzy, who were not helping, and sternly say something often cryptic like, “YOU’RE not where you should be.” Frequently the offending child would simply ignore his presence and his words.

He would usually then step up his enforcement, and sometimes use his strength to dump the other from their seat or take up their wrist and try to pull them toward the kitchen or shoo them with a snapping dishtowel. Sometimes he made it sound like he was playing or teasing, but there was a demanding edge to his enforcement of their presence in the kitchen. Typically this would produce offended cries that would grab my attention.

I’d come to see what was happening. “Are you being kind?”  I would ask. Their natural tendency was to begin explaining their offenses.

“She’s not cleaning the kitchen!”

“He’s hurting my arm!”

I stopped them both from answering me this way. “You need to answer me ‘yes’ or ‘no’.  Are you being kind?”

Reluctantly they would both say, “No.”

“What are you going to do about it?”

“Be kind.” They would say. I’d talked to them many times about their conscience and kindness, and I showed them with my constant relational behavior what kindness looks like. They both knew they were not being kind and that they were both wrong in their behavior. Often times I would ask them if they knew what they needed to do differently in order to be kind.  Usually they knew, but occasionally we needed to talk through what kindness and love would look like in that particular situation. I usually had them re-do the situation.

“Phillip, go back in the kitchen; Lizzy, go back to your book on the couch.  Now, Phillip come in and say what you should have said, and then Lizzy you do and say what you should have done and said.”

They would obey, but if it wasn’t with right attitudes and right tone of voice, then we would do it again. Usually once or twice was enough to bring them to laughter and their work would go forward with some added joy.

Some time in the next little while I would take them each aside and help them remember that they needed to make it right with the other. They’ve been in the habit of making sincere apologies for years, so they know what to say and do. Soon they would be hugging and usually giggling a little too.

Although this scenario was repeated many times, it did come to an end.  I’ll write about that more in my next blog post.

[originally posted August 2010]

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Highly Invested

By marilynhowshall | Published May 12, 2012

Hello Friends,

There is nothing more rewarding in this life than close, meaningful relationships between people who love to be together, choose each other as their favorite ones to spend time with, go out of their way to bless each other, love you no matter what you go through, and stay with you through thick and thin…Jim and I have this sort of relationship with our family and we are so grateful!

Do you know how to make the heart-level connections with the Lord, and your spouse and children that will assure you of close, meaningful relationships for your family’s future, knowing that your children will continue to develop their faith in God?

Family Walk ~ April 2012

I was reminded this Mother’s Day of having my kids’ hearts. I didn’t get my kids hearts merely by doing the typical and natural things that all good parents do for their kids. The heart-level love I’m speaking of comes when you become highly invested in the true soul-felt needs of your children by first making the right connections with God’s work in you. I became highly invested at the heart-level with my children and spent my relational efforts focused on meeting heart-level needs. You can do the same thing too.

Some moms have a hard time making heart-level connections due to erroneous ideas about how growth works and also operating with wrong definitions of biblical ideas for living for God. They fail to make the right connections with God in vital areas of their growth processes and expend lots of negative energy getting nowhere. I designed the new mini coaching programs “Making Heart-Level Connections” to help.

Barbie and I are really enjoying participating in these programs with the moms who’ve joined them. We are helping them to see their primary disconnects that are preventing them from progressing in true spiritual growth. These programs are becoming life-changing for some who’ve been Christians for a long time. Others have said it’s the missing piece in understanding the Lifestyle of Learning™ message, and several have said it’s the first time they’ve understood how God wanted to work in them. We’ve heard of several husbands who are also eagerly going through the program after their wives.

Ultimate love from God comes to those who become highly invested in His work in their heart! Won’t you become highly invested? We hope you will join us for the third mini coaching program coming soon, “Your Heart’s Desires.” Details will be forthcoming. In the meantime, the first program, “Your Conscience”, is now available for purchase in the Lifestyle of Learning™ and LOLACHE eStores. LOLACHE members get a 25% discount on each program that becomes available for purchase! The second program, “God’s Moral Law”, will be available in a couple of weeks.

Go Here to get the program “Your Conscience”! Regular price is $63.00. LOLACHE members pay only $47.00!

Hope you can get in on the next live coaching program “Your Desires” coming soon! Details will be in the next eNewsletter.

Grateful to be in the Lord’s service,

Marilyn Howshall for Lifestyle of Learning™ Ministries

[Lifestyle of Learning™/LOLACHE eNewsletter ~ May 15, 2012, Issue 23]

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Cleaning the Kitchen in Love

By BarbiePoling | Published May 6, 2012

[from the archives]

Up until three or so years ago, I had all my kids cleaning the kitchen together after meals. I used to have all the kitchen cleaning tasks written out on 3×5 cards. I had neon yellow cards for the easy tasks like taking out the trash, wiping the table, clearing the table, emptying the top of the dishwasher, emptying the bottom of the dishwasher, etc…. and then I had neon green cards for the more difficult tasks that took a little more skill and judgment such as putting the food away, washing the pots, and loading the dishwasher. I had one card for each of these tasks.

I would hold out the cards upside down and let the kids choose them. Two easy ones for each, plus one harder one for the oldest three kids. This worked alright in theory, but I found that the kids began to do as little as possible in order to say they did what their card said or they wouldn’t even do it because someone else hadn’t done “what needed to be done first”. If there was a cup on the counter, the counter wiper wouldn’t wipe the counter, and if the pot washer put a clean pot on the counter, then it “couldn’t” be wiped either.

Team Poling making chicken soup together

I didn’t like the attitudes my children had toward each other, and I didn’t like how they used the assignments in the self-righteousness and legalism of doing only what the card said to do. The Holy Spirit began to speak to me and give me vision for what a loving team would do. In love, they would all function joyfully together, each willingly doing whatever needed to be done until it was all done.

I got rid of the cards. I talked with the kids about love and about teamwork and about their attitudes. I made a list of all that needed to be done, and put it on the fridge. I cleaned the kitchen with them, showing them how to find things that needed to be done, and gently taking anyone who wasn’t doing anything to the list to show them how to read it and find something more to do. I observed the way they treated each other in their work.

Both my sons had a tendency to not communicate, but expect others to read their minds, leading to frustration and irritation that others didn’t get out of the way or cooperate with their uncommunicated plan. The younger ones had a tendency to wander off without pressing in to find something to do and when called back by another, they would resist and ignore.  The others would be unkind and demanding to try and get everyone back to “do their share”. The older ones sometimes decided they’d done enough, and would leave the rest undone. This in turn would make the younger ones leave it undone as well.

I worked with the boys to communicate fully and lovingly, and showed them how their lack of communication caused their perceived offenses. I worked with the older ones to draw the younger ones into the teamwork with love and gentleness, guiding and correcting them in their work with encouragement and grace for their immaturity of skill. I worked with the younger ones to willingly receive the correction and instruction of their older siblings. I worked with all of them to remain at the task until it was all done and to quickly and willingly respond when reminded to come back by another.

It’s been a long process with lots of discussions. The three older kids have fully embraced, for the most part, willingly doing what needs to be done with joyful loving attitudes. Lizzy and Josiah are still working through the issues of being a team to clean the kitchen.

Because of different schedule issues, Lizzy and Josiah now alone clean the kitchen after breakfast together. They’re out there right now as I write this laughing and singing while they clean. Their attitudes and the quality of their work is steadily improving, and it’s a joy to see their growth and change.

The ability to clean a kitchen is just one of the skills needed for life. We view all of our activities as opportunities to build skill, not only for a successful existence with the task itself, but for successful loving relationships at the heart level as well.

Marilyn Howshall’s ebook Develop a Lifestyle Routine gives encouragement toward bringing your children up into your real life so that they can learn real life things.

[originally posted August 2010]

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Predictable Response

By BarbiePoling | Published April 24, 2012

[from the archives]

Lizzy popped her head into my bedroom door and with a slight offended frown on her face she said, “There’s a dinner pot in the sink.” That might not make sense to you, but it made perfect sense to me because I know my children well, and I can read beneath the surface. I’ll interpret for you.  She was really saying with self-righteousness and accusation, “I’m supposed to clean the kitchen after breakfast, but there’s an unwashed pot in the sink that has chilli remains on it, which means it’s not a breakfast dish but a dish from last night’s dinner that RACHEL didn’t wash!” (actually, Daddy probably put the last of the chilli in his lunch early in the morning and left the empty pot in the sink.)

As soon as she finished her verbalized statement, the tinge of a smile twisted her frown because she could tell after verbalizing her self-righteous accusation that it wasn’t the right thing to be saying or thinking, and she began to predict my response.

Our exchange was so predictable to her that she began laughing part way through. “What are the reasons you would wash that pot?” I asked.

“Because it would be loving.” (I was actually thinking the answer would be, “The kitchen will be clean,” but her answer was just as good.)

“What are the reasons you would not wash that pot?”

“Because I don’t want to. Rachel should have done it.”

“Well, you’ve got ‘it would be loving’ on this side, and ‘I don’t want to’ on this side.”  I moved my hands up and down like they were a scale.

She said, “One’s loving, and one’s all about me.”

“What will you do?” I said smiling.

She gave me the “I knew you were going to say that mom,” look combined with the “I should have known that wasn’t gonna work” look and plopped in the chair beside me giggling. “I’m going to do the loving thing! Besides, Rachel isn’t even home!”

Smiling I said, “Well then, on your mark, get set, go!”

She got up and left my room, and I clapped and said, “Yay!” like a cheerleader.

Then I shouted after her I was going to write that one on my blog!! LOL!

Josiah came in a moment later. Already laughing at his own sense of humor he said, “The dishwasher is full of DINNER dishes!” attempting to imply that he didn’t need to empty it, and trying to put on a frowny face. He didn’t even wait for my response, but cracked up laughing at his own teasing attempt at a bad attitude and left to clean the kitchen with Lizzy continuing the joy and laughter.

They’re growing in harmony, teamwork and service in their clean-the-kitchen task one heart-level conversation at a time. It wasn’t always this way. They used to offend each other a great deal and attempt to do as little as possible toward actually cleaning the kitchen, having the attitude of not doing anything unless the other did their share too. Heart training takes a great deal of time and many conversations pointing to the ways of love.

Some might ask, “Wouldn’t it be easier if you just cleaned the kitchen yourself or at least assigned them specific tasks in the kitchen instead of giving them the shared responsibility of cleaning it together?”

Yes, it would be easier to do it myself, but then they wouldn’t have the opportunity to develop Christlike character in self-sacrificing love and joyful teamwork toward doing something together that just needs to be done.

You can learn more about heart-level parenting in Marilyn Howshall’s  ebook Empowering the Transfer of Moral Values and Faith.

[originally posted Aug 2010]

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Hope Inspired

By marilynhowshall | Published April 23, 2012

Hello Friends,

I hope you’re enjoying this beautiful Spring! The air is fragrant and inviting, and the temps are just right for Jim and me to go run in the early mornings before beginning our work day.

On this past beautiful spring Saturday, we held our first of the spring/summer season, Moms Day Out, with the theme of  “Hope Inspired.” We continue to reach out to our local community, and this year we decided to use our 5 new mini coaching programs in Making Heart-Level Connections as the ministry focus for each Moms Day Out, which will include a beautiful Tea Party hosted by one of our friends.

We heard testimonies from four of our local moms about a specific relational challenge with one of their children, and how God reconciled the situation as they obeyed their conscience, which resulted in creating a stronger heart-level bond for both mother and child. We want to create hope and inspire moms to allow God to reconcile their relationships with their children at the heart-level. Barbie shared some thoughts about the definitions of hope and inspire and I wanted to share them with you here.

Hope Inspired

Inspire means to suggest, to introduce, to instill, and to implant ideas into the mind; to fill you with what brings new life, enlivens, or exalts; to communicate to the spirit a superior or supernatural influence. We all need a superior influence! All around you, you can witness the same old thing happening to just about everyone’s family as their children approach the teen years. Hearts begin to close off more and more, broken relationships begin to be more noticeable, kids begin to go their own independent ways, and parents begin to lose their influence. It’s pretty difficult to comfort yourself with the thought that, “It must be normal, it’s happening to everyone.”

So, the idea that we want to implant in your mind—to inspire you—that has the potential of filling you with new life. We want your spirit to receive communication from a superior influence. That influence is the Holy Spirit as He provides your conscience with both correction and instruction. The hope is that as you cooperate with God’s desires for your family, it will result in healed, whole heart-level relationships with your children.

Hope is a desire of some good accompanied with at least a slight expectation of obtaining it, or a belief that it is obtainable, based on substantial evidence. Hope provides pleasure or joy and is confident in a future event.

We want to provide you with substantial evidence that your cooperation with God’s desires for your family will result in healed and whole heart-level relationships with your children. We want to stir up in you the expectation of obtaining this and the belief that it is obtainable in your life….We encouraged the moms at our Moms Day Out to begin to listen to their consciences.

Here are a few more of the comments we received after just one 2-hour coaching call about the conscience.

“I never knew my conscience could be so sharp. I get poked if I even begin to clench my teeth. This is a good thing, because I see that I start to clench my teeth when I am about to speak in irritation or anger. I love that the Holy Spirit wants me to “Stop It!” even before I get started, and will lovingly warn me that it is coming. I don’t want to miss the REAL God anymore. I can hardly contain my joy today. I have found Him!!! I have been singing and dancing all morning.”

“My conscience has been sharpened—as soon as a single sharp word or clenched teeth begins to happen I’m reminded to just STOP! Thank you so much for this ministry!!!”

“After this first call, there is a new peace that has come over my soul. The Lord is fully meeting my needs. I am so excited to be in this place. It has been a very long time coming. I am so grateful that God’s love is more than enough, that His heart is to forgive. I have been enabled to completely forgive. How grateful I am.”

“I am breathing the perfume of hope and forgiveness. My god, who was always angry and disapproving, is the wrong one. Praise Jesus! I now can see The True Forgiving Savior. I caught a view of Him, through Barbie’s description of Marilyn’s forgiveness of her, that I have never seen before. I did not realize that is how Jesus is with me. I have seen Jesus all wrong for a long time. The picture I am seeing in my mind is Jesus standing in front of me, offering himself to love me, forgive me, etc., but I am turned toward the guy next to Him, who is angry and disapproving, thinking he is Jesus. No wonder I have had no relationship. I have been appealing to the wrong person. How sad that must make Him!”

“After the call I was just crying out to the Lord! I poured out my heart in repentance and He lavished me with His amazing love! Then later in the evening when my husband said that he’d like to hear about the call. I had to chuckle, because after all the tears, I was exhausted and felt like there would be NO WAY to ever share with him all that God is doing in me. It was then that the Holy Spirit whispered, ‘you don’t have to share it all just start by humbling yourself and repent.’ I did exactly that and it was an amazing time of breakthrough and forgiveness! Not only was my husband receptive, but God showed up in a powerful way and brought so much healing and hope over us!”

“After the first call, my gratefulness is overflowing. I am a different person today—no longer taking up offense. I’m showering forgiveness and grace on my kids and my husband and seeing my sin for what it really is and, without even waiting one second, repenting and receiving God’s mercy and forgiveness in real time. My desire to turn away from God to my own ways is GONE. He IS Who He says He IS! Thank you so very much, Marilyn and Barbie. God has used your ministry to draw me to Himself. I have listened to the call again, and I’ve already gotten more out of it…I just want to LOVE everyone the way I have been loved. Lord, You are so merciful and so precious. I love You, Lord!”

Moms are now recognizing what the Lord wants to do, and who He really is! They are making heart-level connections! They are choosing to cooperate with Him toward the mending of their family relationships, and they are allowing God to begin with them! To God be the glory for the good works He is doing! We are truly grateful!

“May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing [through the experience of your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be overflowing (bubbling over) with hope.” ~ Romans 15: 13

There is so much more! God keeps working everyday in these moms.

Click Here to Learn More about the programs, Making Heart-Level Connections

Our brand new product from the first mini coaching program “Your Conscience” will be available for purchase by the end of this week. If you missed the live calls and want to hear what it’s all about, you can purchase the program in our eStore. It has 4 1-hour audios of Barbie and me discussing with the moms on the calls what their disconnect is that prevents them from knowing God and receiving His blessings. It includes the same questionnaire they filled out, a 12-page article “Resetting Your Conscience” and our answers to specific questions the moms asked during the two weeks of the program.

Go Here to get the program “Your Conscience”! Regular price is $63.00. LOLACHE members pay only $47.00 in the Members eStore.  They will be available soon!

Hope you can get in on the next live coaching program “Your Desires” coming soon! Details will be in the next eNewsletter.

Grateful to be in the Lord’s service,

Marilyn Howshall for Lifestyle of Learning™ Ministries

[Lifestyle of Learning™/LOLACHE eNewsletter ~ April 25, 2012, Issue 21]

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Something Bigger Than Ourselves

By BarbiePoling | Published April 15, 2012

[from the archives]

As I pondered my parenting today, I thought, “There isn’t much to write about.” I had been in my room working nearly all day on ministry web-sites, blog set-up, phone calls and facebook messages, only stopping long enough to make suggestions to Annie about how to iron an old dress-up dress and to talk to my neighbor about the naughty actions of my dog.

It was nearing time for me to prepare dinner when my husband called and informed me that an out-of-town friend was going to stop by. We had an opportunity to minister to him, so my husband and I quickly decided to go out to eat with him.

I passed through the noisy and excited living room happenings to Rachel’s room and asked her if she would make dinner so that we could go out. She quickly agreed to take over, and I went back to the many things I needed to finish up before leaving, knowing that she would skillfully bring dinner together for the kids from start to finish.

As I was thinking that I didn’t actually do much direct parenting today, I began to realize that it’s heart-level parenting that made the ministry efforts of today possible. While I was being productive in my room, all my children were being productive toward their own education too. They continued to be productive and actively learning even as Tim and I left for the evening.

The three younger ones were making a movie. They’ve been inspired by a home-made movie that was recently posted on the Lifestyle of Learning™ Kids forum. They were filming all over the house and outside, making different scenes from different views. It really did take ALL day, and all three of the kids reported to me that they were kind and loving to each other through it all.

Phillip, after working on his pre-calculus, was making shoulder armor for his knight’s outfit and coming to my web-site aid many times throughout the day. Oh, I guess I did stop my work long enough to help Phillip figure out what was wrong with the sewing machine. He was sewing some Velcro onto his knight’s tunic.

Rachel was pressing into her college math after passing a CLEP test and receiving college credit for Introduction to Computing in the morning.

All of the kids were pressing forward in productivity and skill building—some in their God-given abilities and bents, and others in their areas of weakness—motivated from the inside-out. This is a result of much heart-level training. I’ve been instructing them in the sort of character that is needed to move themselves forward the way they do, so that in this day when I was very busy, they did not waste time in boredom or self-indulgence. They were self-governed, doing valuable things because of their heart-level character that has taken years of training to form.

All the kids were getting along well and helping each other, especially the younger three who were operating as a team. They had a unified goal, and by the noise-level and laughter I could tell that they were delighted to be working together; this is harmony. They can do this because I have worked in their hearts, addressing their attitudes, intentions and motivations leading them away from self-centeredness at every turn. I have directed their hearts toward each other in love, so that their unity, harmony and teamwork was possible, and very fun!

Rachel’s ability to take up the responsibility for dinner comes from years of working with me in the kitchen. When she was small she sat on the counter beside me, as she grew I taught her to accomplish parts of meals, and finally by the time she was twelve she could make whole meals. She’s prepared with skill for times of service like this one. Her quick willingness to take over for me comes from her heart. She takes on my concerns as her own because I’ve won her heart by doing the same to her.

Self-government, skill, loving relationships, and Christlike character are making it possible for me, along with my family to be involved in something bigger than ourselves. My husband and I were free to minister to our friend, and impact his family relationships. This is heart-level parenting paying off. What a blessing! Thank You Lord!

Learn more about a Lifestyle of Learning™ here. You too can develop vision for your family to become useful for something bigger than just building your own life. Read Marilyn Howshall’s ebooks Empowering the Transfer of Moral Values and Faith, and Develop Vision for Your Family.

[originally posted August 2010]

Posted in Child Training Examples, Posts by BARBIE POLING | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

God Is Reconciling Moms to Him!

By marilynhowshall | Published April 14, 2012

Hello Friends,

My five new mini coaching programs in “Making Heart-Level Connections” are well underway now with the first one in mid-term. Barbie and I are really enjoying having the opportunity to help 25 moms focus more particularly on the barriers that have prevented them from experiencing God’s love in their day to day life, and the barriers that have also prevented them from producing the fruit of Christlike character in their children. There have been a number of awesome breakthroughs, and more in the making even right now that cause us to brim over with tears of gratefulness for all the Good Lord is doing in our midst. I wanted to share a few comments that the members of the mini coaching program “Your Conscience” are telling us.

“I want to tell Barbie THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing your story of Marilyn’s forgiveness! What a picture of God’s love for us! I’ve never been forgiven this way! I love God, but never had a picture in my mind of how much He loves me! Beautiful!”

“Barbie, your description of Marilyn’s response to your asking her forgiveness for lying to her has touched something VERY deep in me. I am crying every time I think of it. Real tears that I can’t stop. This is new and different for me. Thank You, Lord, for what You’re doing here! I didn’t know that I believed God was like me. He’s NOT!!! Thank You, Lord! That belief was separating me from the forgiveness He has had for me all along. Now I’m really beginning to understand what freedom is. Oh, I praise You and thank You, Jesus!”

“On the call, I was crying with your illustration of forgiveness, Barbie and Marilyn. It has stayed with me. The article was soooo good for putting more words and clarification to this process. I am sooo thankful for His love for me and guidance in reconciliation!! So thankful for Marilyn and Barbie parenting me from distance. Praying blessings to you!! Hugs!”

“Marilyn and Barbie, in the first call you brought into focus for me the reality of the great disconnect you spoke about. If I keep taking left turns away from God in order to deal with my guilt or my conviction, then I’m believing something false about God. I’m now recognizing my sin for what it is and myself for who I am and who He really is. This wonderful truth [receiving forgiveness] has given me freedom and a place to rest. It feels assuring, and it has produced gratitude. I’m grateful that He’s working in me, that He’s helping me to TRUST Him, which has been missing all my life. I am experiencing peace and thankfulness. I just can’t go back. I’m putting both feet in with Jesus. This is new for me.”

There is so much more! God keeps working everyday in these moms. Here are a few snippets of other reports from some of the other moms in the program.

“I am breathing the perfume of hope and forgiveness. My God, who was always angry and disapproving, is the wrong one. Praise Jesus! I now can see The True Forgiving Savior…”

“After the call I was just crying out to the Lord! I poured out my heart in repentance and He lavished me with His amazing love!…”

“After the first call, my gratefulness is overflowing. I am a different person today, no longer taking up offense…”

“I don’t want to miss the REAL God anymore. I can hardly contain my joy today. I have found Him!!! I have been singing and dancing all morning…”

“After this first call, there is a new peace that has come over my soul. The Lord is fully meeting my needs. I am so excited to be in this place. It has been a very long time coming…”

Moms are now recognizing what the Lord wants to do, and who He really is! They are choosing to cooperate with Him, to God be the glory for the good works He is doing! We are truly grateful!

This first Mini-Coaching Program  ”Your Consciene” will be available in the Lifestyle of Learning™  eStore the beginning of May, so that you too can hear the calls, read the material, and connect more fully to what God is wanting to do in your life.

Making Heart-Level Connections ~ 5 Mini Coaching Programs

As I wrote about last week, don’t forget to get your complementary 5-page eArticle. The message, “Five God-Given Forces for Growth” identifies five areas of inner movements God gave to us so we would not miss out on the healing work He wants to do in us.

If you could use some focused instruction or even just a bit more clarity for how to correct the relational foundation in your family relationships, then the five programs in “Making Heart-Level Connections” will help you to cooperate more fully with the Lord’s work in you and your children so your training of them will reflect God’s wisdom and Christlike character.

Click Here to Learn More about the programs, Making Heart-Level Connections

Don’t Miss the 2nd Mini Coaching Program ~ “God’s Moral Law”

The 2nd mini coaching program in the set of five of “Making Heart-Level Connections” is about “God’s Moral Law,” and it is now available for registration.

Mark the Dates!

Mark the dates for “God’s Moral Law”—April 26th and May 10th, Thursday 2:00pm Pacific time. Deadline for registering for “God’s Moral Law” is Thursday, April 19th.

Is your family’s relational foundation sure? If you see cracks in it and want to build happier relationships then this program is for you. There is no other program like this around, and it’s only being held “live” for a short time, so act fast now!

You may have been one who’s been presented with a false standard for righteousness that pretends to be scriptural, but only serves the ways of man. Your conscience will only respond to that false standard instead of to the true standard God gave you for righteousness. In this case, you need to renew your mind to God’s true and holy standard for righteosness—His ways of LOVE to reset your conscience.

This message will leave you no doubt as to what God’s standard is for true righteousness, and how He wants you to reconcile your relationships in love’s holiness so you can begin to cooperate with Him.

Go here to register for the Mini-Coaching Program!

I hope to be talking to you soon!

Grateful to be in the Lord’s service,

Marilyn Howshall for Lifestyle of Learning™ Ministries

[Lifestyle of Learning™/LOLACHE eNewsletter ~ April 18, 2012, Issue 20]

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Grocery Shopping and Right Relating

By BarbiePoling | Published April 9, 2012

[from the archives]

“What have you been doing?” I asked my two youngest as we started out on our weekly grocery shopping trip. Various meetings, phone calls and errands had kept me unconnected with their specific activities for a couple of days.

Lizzy said she’d been writing on one of her stories and re-building the lego set she’d gotten for her last birthday. Josiah shrugged his shoulders and said, “Not much really. I can’t think of what to do.”

I knew Josiah had been working with his LEGOs. He likes to make still scenes, and lately he’s been making scenes with his LEGO dragon. I also knew that Josiah has had lots and lots of ideas for creative and productive things to do with his time, however he struggles with finishing what he starts. I have long seen this weakness in his character. I’ve been walking him through the steps of overcoming a little at a time, governing him from the outside by giving him finishing assignments for his projects. I’ll say things like, “I want you to work on your ‘Treasure Hunt’ story board today for at least an hour.”

I want to see Josiah begin to govern himself more in this area from the inside-out. As we walked from the van into Costco, I began telling the kids the Bible story of the talents from Matt 25. As we chose our lettuce in the huge walk–in refrigerator, and gently squeezed the avocados to test them, I explained how God puts abilities and bents inside us like the master gave his servants the talents. In the cooking isle looking for almonds, I told them about what God wants us to do with the abilities and creativity he’s put inside us. On the way back out to the van, I talked about how not finishing the projects we’ve been inspired by God to do is like carelessly dropping some one else’s money on the ground after they’ve asked us to care for it for them. As we drove to Fred Meyers, I made more connections with the real life activity of deciding how to spend their time with relating rightly with God and His purposes for them.

While picking out a cabbage and some green onions, I asked Josiah what he thought about what I was saying. He said as he often does, “I don’t know.”

So as we picked out some nectarines, I told him that he needed to say more than, “I don’t know,” and I gave him many options of what he could be thinking about what I had been saying. Are you thinking, “I never thought of that before.”? or “That’s a good idea, I should change what I’m doing”? or “I wish you would stop talking mom”? or “I don’t understand what you’re saying”? or “What am I doing that’s leading you to say this mom?”?  I asked him to think about it some more. I told him that it would be unloving for him to have no comment on all that I had been saying.

Lizzy piped in as we stood in line at the check-out stand, “Can I tell you what it’s made me think mommy?” Of course I wanted to hear from Lizzy too. “I’ve been thinking that I need to finish my moccasins that I started making. I haven’t wanted to work on them, but I see that I need to change my attitude, and finish the idea I had.” I encouraged her and hugged and kissed on them both. We put the groceries in the van and started home. On a whim I stopped at a fruit stand to get some cherries. We also found some really yummy looking brussels sprouts there.

As we picked through the brussels sprout heap looking for the smallest ones, Josiah said, “I think that tomorrow after chores when I’m thinking of what to do, my conscience will remind me of all that you said, and I’ll get out my unfinished projects like my story boards and my funny guy drawings and work on those.”

I thanked Josiah for responding to me and kissed his face, then we paid for our cherries and brussels sprouts, got ice-cream cones and went home.

I’ll be helping Josiah remember his thoughts by asking him in the morning what he’s going to do that day. I’m sure we’ll be talking about it even more.

“And these words which I am commanding you this day shall be [first] in your [own] minds and hearts; [then] You shall whet and sharpen them so as to make them penetrate, and teach and impress them diligently upon the [minds and] hearts of your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up.” Duet 6:6-7

[originally posted 8/2010]

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Resurrection Power, Today and Everyday!

By marilynhowshall | Published April 7, 2012

Hello Friends,

I hope your Easter Celebration — Resurrection Day — was a time of gratefulness to the Lord for all He’s done for you. I’ve been so grateful for the Lord’s sacrifice so I could live for Him with His grace and power, for it would be impossible to live for Him in my own abilities.

I wanted to share about my dear friend, Barbie, and how she inspired me when we celebrated my birthday last week. She made a meaningful card, which she always does, and wrote an encouraging letter, which she always does. ; ) But this time it was on the theme of the resurrection, a favorite word of mine, because it is a word the Lord gave to me for my personal life way back in April 2003, and I’ve had several lessons, answers to prayer, and much hope in the Lord out of this one word He gave to me.

Barbie studied it and formed this definition from various reference books: It means: to rise again; to begin again after interruption; to bring back into use, or practice active strength or force of body or mind; and capacity for exertion, physically, intellectually, or morally; to return to force or energy; to be reinvigorated.

I love the part about “to begin again after interruption”! I had a major life interruption to my work many years ago due to serious health issues. While I never wandered away from God through all the trials of that season, and continued to minister to others through my sufferings, I did experience the sad death of my purpose and vision (a lifetime of work that was yet to be completed) and for five years I had no idea if it would be resurrected in my lifetime. But the Lord had it in mind all along and chose the timing of resurrection for my purpose and Lifestyle of Learning™ Ministries!

I thought about so many of you who, having wandered away from God’s work years ago thinking you were going in the right direction, came back after realizing you really didn’t understand what He was after in you, but now you do! What a hope to cling to! Even after “interruption” to a path of life for whatever reason, God will resurrect and bring strength and power. The Gospel message is about power [moral power and excellence of soul]. Can you see this? Can you grasp it for yourself? He wants you to tap into this power by faith, trusting Him to do real things in your life!

Here’s my favorite Scripture about the resurrection promise for us. It’s been my verse of promise for nine years, and I’ve quoted it in prayer many times:

“If the Spirit of Him Who raised up Jesus from the dead dwells in you, then He who raised up Christ Jesus from the dead will also restore to life your mortal (short-lived), perishable) bodies through His Holy Spirit who dwells within you.” ~ Romans 8:11

As I pondered the word “resurrection”, while celebrating Resurrection Day with my family, I was reminded of a very personal experience of Christ’s Resurrection power. This Easter Sunday was the 5-year anniversary of a miracle healing the Good Lord gave me that I’ll never forget!

I had experienced a constant severe pain in my brain for 9 months, caused by a series of traumas, which included a grand mall seizure, stroke, and multiple additional seizures over that time period. But resurrection morning when I woke up, it was miraculously and completely gone!

It all started two weeks earlier when I decided to ask the Lord in prayer to remove it. I knew He was giving me faith for this prayer, and that night during my sleep, I had a spiritual vision of two sunnyside up eggs that morphed into a brain. The vision provided confirmation the Lord would heal me, and strengthened my belief. I knew the Lord would give new life to my brain but I didn’t know when. I clung to the promise He would heal me in His good time, and thanked Him daily with full expectation and anticipation.

Double yolked eggIt wasn’t enough that the Lord healed me, He made sure the details of His handiwork unmistakenly pointed to Him. On that Easter morning 2007 I was in such awe when the pain was gone. I couldn’t wait to tell my family that the Lord had removed the brain pain. The girls and I went about preparing our family’s celebration breakfast, which included a favorite egg dish I liked to make. The very first egg I cracked open had two yolks in it! What are the chances of that?! I had only ever had a double-yoked egg one time in all the many years my family raised chickens! God loves to show Himself in the details when He answers our prayers. Jesus is so alive and His power is real! Our Lord Jesus is deserving of all honor and praise!

The most amazing thing to me about the Resurrection isn’t that Jesus raised Himself from the dead (after all He is God!), but that He shares this same power with us, not just on Easter Sunday but everyday! He is alive today and tomorrow as well, and His power lives in us through the Holy Spirit He sent to us. Won’t you believe with me this week to trust God for some area of your life that needs His “super” to be added to your “natural”?

Making Heart-Level Connections ~ 5 Mini Coaching Programs

As I wrote about last week, don’t forget to get your complementary 5-page eArticle. The message, “Five God-Given Forces for Growth” identifies five areas of inner movements God gave to us so we would not miss out on the healing work He wants to do in us.

If you could use some focused instruction or even just a bit more clarity for how to correct the relational foundation in your family relationships, then the five programs in “Making Heart-Level Connections” will help you to cooperate more fully with the Lord’s work in you and your children so your training of them will reflect God’s wisdom and Christlike character.

Click Here to Learn More about the programs, Making Heart-Level Connections

2nd Mini Coaching Program ~ “God’s Moral Law”

The 2nd mini coaching program in the set of five of “Making Heart-Level Connections” is about “God’s Moral Law,” and it is now available for registration.

Mark the Dates!

Mark the dates for “God’s Moral Law”—April 26th and May 10th, Thursday 2:00pm Pacific time. Deadline for registering for “God’s Moral Law” is Monday, April 16th.

Is your family’s relational foundation sure? If you see cracks in it and want to build happier relationships then this program is for you. There is no other program like this around, and it’s only being held “live” for a short time, so act fast now!

You may have been one who’s been presented with a false standard for righteousness that pretends to be scriptural, but only serves the ways of man. Your conscience will only respond to that false standard instead of to the true standard God gave you for righteousness. In this case, you need to renew your mind to God’s true and holy standard for righteosness—His ways of LOVE to reset your conscience.

This message will leave you no doubt as to what God’s standard is for true righteousness, and how He wants you to reconcile your relationships in love’s holiness so you can begin to cooperate with Him.

Go here to register for the Mini-Coaching Program!

I hope to be talking to you soon!

Grateful to be in the Lord’s service,

Marilyn Howshall for Lifestyle of Learning™ Ministries

[Lifestyle of Learning™/LOLACHE eNewsletter ~ April 11, 2012, Issue 19]

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Free to Dance

By BarbiePoling | Published April 2, 2012

[from the archives]

Today was so much fun!

A few days ago the kids watched a movie that had quite a bit of dancing in it. Whenever that happens they end up being inspired to dance and laugh, and dance and laugh some more. Most of the time they’re trying to do something they saw, and ending up doing something very funny looking, which they then try to perfect in its funniness.

This time the dancing progressed beyond just the day of the movie watching. My girls regularly choreograph dances and work them until they’re done, but my boys have NEVER done that. Today that changed! All my kids are choreographing a dance together. It’s so fun to watch them toss around ideas and delight in each other. The girls are trying to show the boys how to do certain types of steps and they’re all laughing so hard as the boys give their awkward attempts! It’s just so fun to see them enjoying each other.

I’m just amazed at how my children have changed over the last few years.  They have become so comfortable with who God made them to be, and so secure in our love and in the love of their brothers and sisters that they are free to step out and do something new like this current dance they’re working on.

Before I understood how my flesh (my self-centered ways of relating) worked in my parenting, I was unhappy with the subtle resistance I felt growing in the kids, especially the older ones, and tried to make them feel ashamed in order to make them behave better. I thought they would want to be better if I made them feel badly about what they were doing through disapproving looks and body language. I gave them the feeling that they could never do certain things quite right, and so they never did them the way I hoped for. This made them sad and closed up, and unwilling to try anything new or hard because they didn’t feel loved.  They felt more like they could only fail and they were afraid of that.

That’s why I’m so amazed at the kids doing this dance all together. They are just totally new kids—radically changed! I stopped being unloving, and now love has changed them from the inside. Here, four years later it’s showing up on the outside in their ability to be so free to have fun in this way with each other when they used to be closed up. They’re not just doing this dance for fun; they plan on performing it in front of people at our fall recital which will be at the Lifestyle of Learning™ project fair! They chose the music—”Wherever We Go, That’s Where the Party’s At”.

Today has been so fun!

You can learn more about restoring your family’s relationships by reading Marilyn Howshall’s ebook Empowering the Transfer of Moral Values and Faith.

Here’s the dance as they performed it at the Lifestyle of Learning™ Performing Arts Program September 2010.

[originally published 7/2010]

Posted in Child Training Examples, Posts by BARBIE POLING | Tagged , , | 3 Comments